MIND FUCK MEEEE-SELF

Had a BIG BIG fight with baby over this blogshop model that was suppose to receive her parcel from us by RAN away to meet his BF instead. 

Such a big fight, I feel it strained part of our relationship at that point of time.

He thinks that I am stupid as  I didn't get that girl's number but I am making space between our partnership by building trust although she only plan to meet up 3 WEEKS after payment was transferred.

SO MAD ANGRY.. with her.. but I tolerated and even tried to make up for her. 

In the end, she still chose to ignore my tweet!!!!!!! *Screw her seriously!

But at the end, if I am pretty enough or my vocabulary good enough maybe I wouldn't need her help so at the end I tell myself again, I only got myself to blame. 

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I don't understand why guys have to ogle at girls thus,

Normal between couple isn't it? 

But it hurts me alot for us to quarrel over this. 

 

if you want to ogle at girls infront of me... 

BUT

again I know I only have myself to blame, if I am good enough he don't have to look elsewhere.

Because I am FAT thus,

inferiority sets in.

I don't want to be like that what? 

But I know la, don't complain or feel sad if you don't do anything right? 

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Baby started work yesterday, this time I don't feel that heavy..

 

mainly because he have not move out from me,

I know I can still see him just that I have to wait for him to be back.

A childish side of me feel mad, angry and upset that he does not have a proper working hour. 

BUT,

I gotta empathize with him right? He just started his job how can he say no?

BUT, the DU LAN part is,

EAT HOTPOT also not work what?

So, I try to mind fuck myself that I will not be mad, angry or upset.. I shall watch drama while waiting for him to come back. 

Secondly, his job don't look really tiring to me as of now,

can cab everywhere and get claim one? Why so COOL?

I think I can also prepare him some breakfast for tomorrow. 

Am learning to be a good wife.  

 

 WHATEBER LA JUBJUB?

I went to research on how to be a good wife and I shall BLOG it now to set it as a reminder to myself.

 

*Faints

HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE

I. FEEL SECURE 

Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be. He will find you beautiful even if you don't feel like it, if you act the part. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy. Poor self-esteem and a "void" in your life is terrible for marriage Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have girlfriends you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to, sports you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he cannot fill, and will feel inadequate and unhappy.

MY UNDERSTANDING: TRUST in him and yourself. 

TRUE LEVEL:  

Comment: It is difficult for woman to have sudden EGO boost unless something CHANGES. Thus, to feel secure, I will tell myself the things he did for me. Think of WONDERFUL + SWEET MEMORIES. 

II. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS AND NEEDS

Except in the rare event that your husband happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so--but don't accuse your husband of things. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around". Communicate calmly clearly and directly to discuss your needs and goals: including discussing familial considerations, about having children and how each member lives his or her faith and beliefs. Relationships work best when each partner calmly expresses their current emotions. Frequently, an "I feel attacked" or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored." Let "I feel" be your guide.

MY UNDERSTANDING: The right time to speak up and shut up from your partner.

TRUE LEVEL:

Comment: You have to JUDGE the right time/situation to know when you should speak up/ shut up from your partners/fights. But whatever, still have to TRY to talk nicely to one another. (REMINDER TO ME: He can hurt me, but I will never hurt him with words or actions.)

III.DON'T EXPECT THE MOON AND STARS

He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. However, if you both keep working on your marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.

MY UNDERSTANDING: Be CONTENTED

TRUE LEVEL:

Comment: Although it is easy to be easily contented, it does not mean that you do not feel disheartened when your partner chooses to speak nasty or act nasty during fights.You have to make your partner BELIEVE that it takes 2 HANDS TO CLAP! 

E.g, the chopstick story

IV.GIVE HIM WHAT HE NEEDS

 If he needs sex, give sex to him in a way he wants it. If he needs his space, give him space. If he needs time to be with you, give him your time. If he needs you to listen, listen to every word he speaks including his unspoken words. If he needs respect, give him your respect. The key is to learn about your husband's needs. Ask him what his needs are. Then, give without condition. You give him because you love him and he deserves to be loved by you.

MY UNDERSTANDING: UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER NEEDS

TRUE LEVEL:

Comment: People that are clingy to their partner like me, need to learn how to make space and give 'alone' time to their partner to minimize fights over this. BUT, I still hope the otherwise. I hope he want me to KOLAR BEAR HIM. 

~THE END~

I shall try not to feel angry,sad while waiting for him at home later.

I MUST BE PATIENT! JUBJUB 加油！加油！加油！

Might not succeed as my tooth hurts~

一眨眼就过了四天了啊。

Long weekend just passed like that.

Took MC on the 17th, I kept having headache. 

was actually already prepared for work but was dragging my feet and ass. 

 

And..when I reached SK station, God signaled me not to go to work.

NEL TRAIN POWERFAILURE?

So, I got out of the train took a bus to the nearby clinic and the doctor pointed at my face and said,

" You have virus"

Simi virus I also don't know but he was in his mask and look as if he is unwilling to talk to me.

 

Oh,I want to forward to the night before. 

While waiting for baby to be home,

Cooking Jubjub took over the kitchen.

and tada....

Baby's Favorite Noodle

凉拌豆腐

 It was my first attempt with the toufu and baby just gobbled everything up. ( I think it is successful la because even me who hates toufu ate it)

*Baby say too much LAO GAN MA! (I will remember)

.......

Back to my MC day, actually I can't remember what me and baby did or ate? =(( Partial memory loss.

But I think after jogging I managed to cheat baby to do face mask with me, from what I heard after exercising your pores open so it is the optimal time isn't it? 

I wish I can go out like that, I think I look chio-er

 On the saturday, I've been thinking alot thus...

I have decided to go on a diet. (til now it's already 3 days but weighing scale spoil how?)

First day of diet, (FOR ME)

CAESAR SALAD IN THE HOUSE

I did one for my sister too, but don't know why look so pathetic? Maybe because the sauce, croutons and cheese are aside but she says that it is yummy.

BABY'S LUNCH

JUBJUB'S FRIED RICE

ABALONE MUSHROOM WITH CHILI AND GARLIC

CRABMEAT GOLDEN MUSHROOM SOUP

I drank the soup too but still don't feel FULL.

I expected this because my appetite really damn ENORMOUS ever since baby's comeback.

 

Then, at night I just drank the soup my mum cooked.

Lotus soup I think?

Second day's diet (FOR ME)

BEEF SOUP WITHOUT RICE

 How to feel full I also don't know but me and baby already famished until want to die. 

BABY'S LUNCH

BEEF PEPPER LUNCH

Damn saddening because Compass point just opened Pepper Lunch in their Kopitiam so gam gam hou I diet-ing. I really want to eat~~~ Rah~~~

Dinner, ate some chinese salad again and drink soup.

Third Day's Diet (FOR ME)

I took fried fish soup but no picture because I have it all the time and it is not cooked by me what?

Baby had his favorite and boring BAN MIAN like again.

I had a fight with my mum yesterday's evening and also baby. My mum said that I'm living in her house and asked me to get out of the house. ( I had to swallow all my pride once again because I know we don't have the ability YET to live without my mum or this home. 

He don't understand why I had to flare up at my mother, don't understand why sometimes I am nice to her. I can't give in to her all the time, she feels that she is right. I need to have my own stand but that does not mean I do not love her or respect her. She IS very annoying. 

But, I can't change the fact that she was the one that carried me for 10 months and brought me to this world. 

I know how much baby is affected by all these shits going through all these months and I don't feel any better. In fact, I have been trying really hard to not let him feel this way. I really wish GOD can stabilize everything for us. 

This is what I do to baby every night,

because he like to roll on the bed every night.

* Like a child (Sometimes cute but sometimes annoying LOL)

This is what my sister got me from BKK, 

I like everything she bought =D

Baby's pathetic gift LOL

Monday to Thursday

Monday, finally accomplished the livejournal with my own hands. It's really a great sense of accomplishment as since Secondary school I recognized myself  as an IT IDIOT. What more everything disappeared when I was done at the end and I re-started all over. After I got done, I feel so....

 

Baby had a tough interview and I waited for him until 8pm before we have our dinner together. ( I missed him so badly even though it's a short while, although I see him everyday.)

Sample of the parcel I did for giveaway. 

Tuesday, I had a mixed feeling of being upset/happy because during the jog, I injured my knee. I think it was when I force myself at the fitness corner but I was also unsure of it. So, when we do the sit-up I told baby that I injured my left knee, but..

 

Like a meh? 

and then he continued doing his own exercise when I begged him to come and look at my knees. ='( I'm not whining, it was really protruding. 

and then,

when I got home I re-called yan kaykay the blogger peeled mangosteen for her bf and I was lazy la. 

So I asked baby to peel the mangosteen he specially bought just for me.. 

So unwilling, because he never peeled mangosteen before....

Opening the bag

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 After awhile, he finally got some shell off =)

.

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*Tadah

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He say cannot post pic of his face cause he never shave, so.. he got cowface lor =p

 After that right, he very DU LAN.  
He say, " We spent $4.66 in the end only got so little to eat? 

So pathetic.
 Later in the night, I feel quite loser la.
I cried because I feel that he don't love me cox he hit me really hard in our smacking game.

In the midst of it, EGO strucked right onto my head, then I feel depressed.

 Actually,

baby is really very nice to me but he isn't the kind he can care/shower me love 24/7 like

 

He need alot of space of his own yet... I always can't make space for him. I'm a very lousy partner I know. 

But, all girls want their partner to care for them like 24/7 what?

No meh?

Girls, very easy one.

Just Hug them/pull closer to you say, 好啦好啦，下次不会。 （Of course you have to mean it)

Then Kaboom, everything resolved what. 

To me, for a couple to last in LOVE,

NEVER EVER EVER say BREAKUP/DIVORCE/ROLL AWAY. *yadayada similar words

(strains the r/s so badly right?) 

 

It really made me felt like this leh *SOBS* 

I'll never let us end a night with a quarell/fight or argument because,

SIMPLE,

I don't want to step into my parents shoes. 

( I have to grow our of it!)

 

I want to have a happy family in FUTURE. 

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Actually, whenever I cry and tell baby why am I crying or why am I feeling upset I feel is just that I want more attention from him.

I really want him to keep loving me and not feel sick of me.I want to feel like this one day,

(after fights I always realised it's because of me feeling inferior about myself that leads to this) It's very difficult for baby to understand how I feel because he never know/knew the feeling of being foresaken by your love one. He never understand the feeling of yearning somebody to love you. 

Then, I don't know how I fell asleep sniffing the Vicks thingy. 

And then...I had fever and headaches after crying. (had to swallow 2 paracetomols)

Wednesday, I though I'll feel better after the paracetomols but NO! 

So painful, I feel my brain almost exploded. 

Baby got me fried noodles but he forgotten my favorites.

(Noodles mixed beehoon and chili sauce so he got me his own favorites.)

=.=|||

We spent the whole afternoon watching 回到三国。

I don't know why but aroung EP 13, it's getting boring?

 

But, I still love TVB dramas. Never fail to keep me entertained, I love it better when baby is watching it with me. 

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So annoyed with my parents.

WHY? 

OMG!~ 

I want to do this to my mum, 

 

She is getting mental I feel.

Went to T3 for Popeyes.

Then T1 to pick Jean and some food.

Finally T2 for my sister. ( so fucking slow de)

 I very happy when I reach home because my sister bought me many NICE STUFFS! 

 New platform slippers from BKK, 

Why so painful one? 

my toes all blistered. 

All-Time FAVORITE ( prefer the hard candy)

Alot more gifts I received from my sister but I haven take pictures yet.

When babylove told me intially he assumed all SG mum's were nonchalant to their child. But he realized our family were the only " SPECIAL" ones. 

I miss his mum so badly, madly.

She is the best mum, jealous of baby.. 

P.S : I want a day from GOD to let all the worries go AWAY. GOD, please let me feel HAPPY. 

BYE BLOG!~