没有你的第七十八天

My life have become a routine,
Some people ask me to stop crying,
Some people ask me to stop being emotional,
Some people ask me to be rational,
Some blamed me for making them worried,
Some blamed me for being selfish,
Some questioned how long am I going to stay like that,
Many ask me not to be sad,
Many ask me to be happy,
Many ask me not to think so much.

All the questions thrown to me,
I would not feel worst if I did not tried controlling my tears,
Tears,
that are worthless to all and even to him.
Tears is not drug.
It does not make me happy or make me feel comfortable.
On the contrary,
Everytime I cry,
My vision blurred,
My heart pumped faster,
My fingers stiffen,
And My head aches.
I chose it, you guys are right.
I chose to torture myself with tears.

Emotional?
Disappointments when you tried so hard,
Deprivation from what kept you strong,
Memories that trigger my tears.
If I could stop thinking,
I would like to.
2 weeks at work in Singtel,
I never imagined myself,
Busy yet my mind full of him,
full of despair.

Everybody sound as if they know what I am going through,
Talk to me as if they would have handle this better,
I admit,
I am a loser, I am weak.
But,
Who is truly giving me strength?
The only one is you,
The strength I am holding on is to see you again.
Pull me down,
Comments, disappointments, deprivation pull me straight down.
Not giving me a chance to climb.

If I really want to make people around me suffer,
I would not wait til when I am alone before I start crying.
I would not smile anymore.
I would not remove the comments made in facebook.
I would not rather stay at home than to cry outside.

I am worn out.
I am left with my last breath.
I know all this will be over once the day comes.
But,
When will it be?



今天是没有你的第七十八天，
无助，
无奈，
他告诉我我令你讨厌。
今天的我一个人在家里一整天。
一直到现在还没有吃东西也没有喝水。
我很想很想得到你的安慰。
而你知道能安抚我的也只有你的拥抱。
思念，
让我在脑海里每天想起一点一滴。
失望，
让我感到无助彷徨。
你在那里听到我的心里呐喊着，
我想你吗？
好傻哦，
你现在应该已经入眠了吧?