没有你的第一百天

I did not want to blog anymore as I felt that he was coming back,
I thought I could have blogged more about me and him when he is back.
Haha...
Did I deceived myself again?
Emotional breakdowns and sufferings,
Feeling all alone and realising I have no one at all when I needed comfort.

Started half shift attachment at ELDC,
I hate computers and I am stucked in this for 9 weeks.
2 weeks already passed.
Completed my project though it looks like shit,
But I have no regrets as I know I really put my hard to work and understand the whole thing.
Coordinating was truly the toughest.

Monday which was 5 days ago,
I received a blow of knowing HE cant come back to me,
I know he was sad,
I know his chances wasn't high,
yet
I chose to believe that he is coming back to me soon.
He was upset as well,
But I was sure I am feeling worse.
Thoughts of dying strike once again.
I know death does not solve our problem of being apart.
When you suffer for 3 months trying and struggling,
Feeling miserable and feel that you can no longer do anything,
Your eyes wide open in the morning,
Refusing to be awake knowing that I am all alone.

I knowing loving does not mean that we have to be together,
But I want to be with you,
Just staying by your side I am satisfied.
Feeling hurt that we have to go through all the fights and argument..
Feeling afraid that you will never be back by my side.


I hate my life now,
and I don't wish to continue anymore....











不知不觉今天已经是没有你的第一百天了，
知道可能自己还需要等多几个一百天，
我想等，我也愿意等，
但是，
想你想得自己快失去自我。
每天不想睁开眼睛，
恶梦这是一场很长，
很可怕的恶梦。
自杀的念头一直固定在我脑海里。
我想你，宝贝。。。
我真的好想你。。。